There aren’t any decent single men around in New York City. At least, that’s what everybody continues to tell us. When Deanna* relocated into the city late 2021, it was her turn to see if there was any truth to that assertion. Recently single after the boyfriend she had been with for three years split with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time when a private Facebook community called Do We Dating the Same Guy NYC was announced as the recommended follow. The group was characterized by a lengthy prescreening process and community guidelines that served as a barrier to entry. It had four-and-a-half million members strong. Deanna was interested, and she joined.
The community
The group was founded with the goal of helping women find out if their loved ones were seeing another person-was launched in March 2022. A majority of the major US city has a similar organization today, and the rules for everyone are clear: Anyone has the right to post anonymously, no doxxing or sharing sensitive information, and in no case can screenshots leave the group. There is no bullies, no victim-blaming or hate speech. Do not tell someone that you’ve been listed in the group.At site datingfortodaysman from Our Articles Following the scandal the scandal of West Elm Caleb, one of the men with whom a lot of women from New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots online, it became apparent that lots of women were in the market in search of a way to check out others like him. As one TikTok user was saying at the time This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
It’s a lot like what this group had become when Deanna joined. Every version of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a space for women looking for love advice or offer warnings about men with whom they’ve had negative dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is an act of sending out other women to lure them through social media – is now a standard. It’s easy for a person to fall into a into a puddle of screenshots Hinge profiles, stories of bad hookups as well as memes on the challenges of modern-day dating. A lot of the most popular posts feature pictures of a man with his name asking whether anyone has ever matched or been in contact with the person on the profile. Emojis with red flags are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous posts that warn the audience of a former lover or bad night typically accompanied by the downward arrow and the depressing phrase See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our choices in recent years in recent years, with a recent study revealing that around 39% of heterosexual couples met their loved ones online. It is therefore logical that the romantic component of romance should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead of chatting with several friends over a drink or venting with coworkers, we are now seeking the counsel of 43,000 women who have experienced similar – and sometimes very similar-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie who is a group member. Not to say that there’s not some advantages that exist however, it was helpful for me in terms of reframing my thoughts about dating. It’s not a contest among women. It’s holding men to a higher level than I was before.
It’s obvious to me, however, that certain of the behaviors that’s promoted and facilitated by Are We the Dating the Same Guy is unsettling if they were displayed by prospective suitors. Photos, details of private messages, and screenshots published without the approval of the other party or knowledge are aplenty. Social media users search for profiles on a near daily basis. In fact, it’s very easy for a romantic date to be put on the hot seat. While Deanna likes being part of the group, she’s got some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she adds. But I think you get into a situation where it becomes an echo chamber of men have had us pushed around all day, we’re willing to give it back.
We live in the patriarchal system
We are still an age of patriarchy. So until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will produce different results based on the individual’s background. Even so, can an online group like this really be proactive in its empowerment on the one hand of the spectrum and an abominable incel horror on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? The same guy is hyperlocal and interpersonal-only really useful for people who live and are dating in the same city that the group is located in. The women and men they write about can be your neighbor, coworker, friend, family member, or most current Hinge match. There’s also a depersonalization that is a result of operating on the internet, making everything feel like an online game. It’s not too far to suggest this is demeaning for the participants in both of these groups. This is especially true when details about private interactions, conversations and even pictures can be shared without knowledge or consent, often to provide entertainment.